Categorie: Diverse

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”

Dolly wanted a new living room set but her husband kept saying.

“No.” Every day she would ask him to please let her have the set.

Every day he would say. “No.”

One day he decided to end this discussion once and for all.

When Dolly asked, he looked at her and said.

“You can have that living room set you have been wanting, but only on one condition.”

Dolly was so excited!

“Anything you want, honey!”

Well.” He began.

“When you grow hair on your chest, I’ll buy you that living room.”

“Grow hair on my chest?”

Dolly was devastated.

“How am I going to do that?”

Her husband just smiled and went off to work.

Arriving home that night, he found Dolly waiting for him.

Her eyes sparkled and the smile she wore was almost as big as the day they wed.

“Honey.” She trilled. “I ordered my living room set this afternoon!”

“You did?” Her husband stammered.

“You have hair on your chest now? I mean real hair, not a toupee, or some animal hair pasted on!”

“I sure do!” She replied.

“No way! Let me see it.” Replied her husband.

“OK!” She said as she lifted up her skirt.

“There it is!” She pointed to her privates.

“HONEY! That is not your chest!”

“Oh, yes it is! Before we were married it was your ‘hope’ chest. Since we’ve been married it’s been your ‘tool’ chest. And if I don’t get my living room set, it’s going to be the ‘community’ chest!

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this

mall town.He really wanted to impress everyone.He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on

this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking… “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than one million…” “Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support…” “Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details…” This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. “I’m sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?” The man replied “I’m from the phone company…I came to hook up your phone.”

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterward, the doctor comes into her room and says, “I have something to tell you about your child.”

The woman worriedly asks, “What’s wrong with it?”

The doctor says, “There’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just a little different. It’s a hermaphrodite.”

The woman looks confused. “A hermaphrodite? What’s that?”

The doctor replies, “It has both male and female features.”

The woman looks relieved.

“Oh, you mean it has a weapon AND a brain?”

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.

She replies, “A bush.”

The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he’s in the shower.

He asks, “What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?”

His father replies, “It is a snake.”

A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub.

He asks, “What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?”

She replies, “Headlights.”

A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having lovemaking.

He yells, “Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!”

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150. His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”

“I bought it today,” he says.

“With what money?” says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”

The father looks at him like he’s crazy.

“Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” he says.

A man frantically calls the hotel desk from his room on the 11th floor.

“Please come quick I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the hotel window.”

The hotel manager replies, “Sir I’m afraid that’s a domestic matter and the hotel and it’s staff are obligated to not interfere.”

The husband responds, “Like hell it’s a domestic matter! This damn window won’t open, and that sir is a hotel maintenance problem.”

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,

…wearing only The t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterward, she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, Her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand… Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.

You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.. “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots. ”He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks. ”He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. “Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

Marriages can be challenging to maintain at times due to the complexity of their ties.The following joke, which is sure to make you chuckle, provides a humorous look into the interaction between men and women.During a sermon, the preacher said, “If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left.”

Except for one, all of the men in the congregation moved to the left.The pastor was pleased that there was at least one strong man and questioned him, “How come your wife can’t control you?” The man gently said, “My wife has told me not to move.”

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